1. Obedience will Protect You (verses 20-24)
2. Infidelity will Destroy You (verses 25-35)

As most of you know, in recent months we have been working our way through the book of Proverbs, verse by verse, section by section, chapter by chapter. Four weeks ago, we were looking at chapter 5, which warns us about the perils of adultery, as our text does this morning. Proverbs 5 warns us to avoid sexual sin at all cost and tells us how we ought to delight in our own spouse. In that message, I said, “There are scores of Christian leaders who have fallen to adultery. Every year there is a new crop of fallen leaders. All you need to do is keep your ears open and you will hear of the next scandal.”

Well, I misspoke. I should have said, “Every month there is a new crop of fallen leaders.” Because this past week, I heard of two Christian leaders whose sexual sin was exposed. I didn’t really go looking for them; they found me.

The first was a Christian comedian who tours all over the country. He is really popular and had a special on Netflix scheduled to come out soon. But all of that has been put on hold because five different women have accused him of sexual misconduct, including inappropriate touches, inappropriate texts, and inappropriate offers. The future of this man’s public life has been put on hold until more details come out.

The second Christian leader I heard of this past week was a pastor of a large church in Minneapolis. His church is one of the fastest growing churches in the nation, with some 3,000 people attending every weekend across several campuses. Yet this week his sexual sin was exposed. Some 17 years ago, when he was a youth pastor, he had inappropriate relationships with two young women who were in his youth group. Once they turned 18, he pursued them. One spent a weekend with him in Las Vegas, where they spent their time with beer and gambling and sex.

This hit home for me, because he was one of my professors during my Doctor of Ministry studies at Southern Seminary. Though he was pastoring this large church in Minneapolis, every year he would spend a week on campus, teaching others about Christian leadership from the overflow of what he was experiencing in his own church. He was a pastor right in the midst of ministry, and so everything he was teaching about leadership, he was practicing. One week when I was in Louisville, he preached at chapel, and it was the finest chapel message I heard during my time there. Since then, I have watched and listened to him online on a few occasions. He is a fabulous preacher and a fabulous leader. Yet his sin has caught up with him, exactly like the Proverbs predicts, exactly like our text this morning predicts.

Proverbs 6:20-35
My son, keep your father’s commandment,
    and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Bind them on your heart always;
    tie them around your neck.
When you walk, they will lead you;
    when you lie down, they will watch over you;
    and when you awake, they will talk with you.
For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
    and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
to preserve you from the evil woman,
    from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
Do not desire her beauty in your heart,
    and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread,
    but a married woman hunts down a precious life.
Can a man carry fire next to his chest
    and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
    and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
    none who touches her will go unpunished.
People do not despise a thief if he steals
    to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
    he will give all the goods of his house.
He who commits adultery lacks sense;
    he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor,
    and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
For jealousy makes a man furious,
    and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
He will accept no compensation;
    he will refuse though you multiply gifts.

This text begins like many do in the first nine chapters of Proverbs, with Solomon pleading with his son to listen to his wisdom. This is how chapter 5 begins.

Proverbs 5:1
My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
    incline your ear to my understanding.

This is how chapter 4 begins.

Proverbs 4:1
Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction,
    and be attentive, that you may gain insight.

This is how chapter 3 begins.

Proverbs 3:1
My son, do not forget my teaching,
    but let your heart keep my commandments.

This is how our section this morning begins as well, with a call to listen to your parents, because 1. Obedience will Protect You (verses 20-24).

1. Obedience will Protect You (verses 20-24)

At some point, all of this repetition ought to sink in. Yet in the case of so many, it does not. Children forsake the commandment of their father and do not keep the teaching of their mother (verse 20). They fail to embrace their parents’ teaching in their heart. They forget to bind it around their necks (verse 21). As a result, they live life without any direction. They have no guides to watch over them at night and no coaches to direct them in the day (verse 22). The teaching of their parents is to lead them in the right way, and their reproof will keep them from the wrong way (verse 23). But without listening, many children find themselves in trouble because of the bad choices they make, facing the consequences of not listening to the counsel of their parents and not following after the wisdom of God’s word. So again, children, I would encourage you to listen to your parents, to listen to God, to follow after the ways of the LORD. It is for your good.

In verse 24, our subject is introduced. The “evil woman,” the “adulteress.” Following after the ways of God will “preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.” This is the purpose of this section of Scripture. Solomon is warning his son against the dangers of adultery. We can easily apply it to all forms of sexual immorality, and we should avoid it all. This is my message: “Avoid Infidelity.”

In verses 25-35, we have good reason why to "Avoid Infidelity," because, 

2. Infidelity will Destroy You (verses 25-35)

That is the message of verses 25-35. We see words like “capture” in verse 25 and “hunts down” in verse 26. The picture here is that of a hunter who has set a trap and is waiting for it to spring. It is no stretch to compare the adulterous woman to a bear trap.

A bear trap is a spring-powered mouth made up of two half circles that close like teeth upon the leg of a bear when it steps on the trigger. The trap is attached to a heavy chain, which is secured to a tree, so that the trapped bear cannot drag it away. Bait is placed near the trap but not on it, so that the bear’s leg is caught rather than its face. When the bear is trapped, it will often suffer for hours, trying desperately to get loose. It will claw at the trap, but its claws are incapable of releasing the tension. It will try to pull away, only to realize that the trap is attached to the tree. From exhaustion, it will sit and endure the pain until the hunter returns. Because of this suffering, many consider bear traps to be unethical. But this is the picture of what happens in adultery. The beauty of the woman captures the man. Those pretty eyelashes are actually the jaws of a trap. Entrapment comes, and suffering follows, until the day of destruction.

I cannot help but think about my seminary professor, who sinned with these teenage girls and then suffered for years, just waiting for them to speak. This week they spoke. My professor is facing the hunter right now, trapped like a bear. His life has been destroyed. He may never preach again.

At this point I must note that in my professor’s case, the girls did not pursue him. He pursued them. This goes both ways. Though Solomon is writing to his sons to avoid the evil woman, the admonition also goes to daughters: avoid the evil men who merely want to use you for their own pleasure. Avoid them at all costs. When one is unfaithful, destruction is inevitable. That is the point of verses 27-29.

Proverbs 6:27-29
Can a man carry fire next to his chest
    and his clothes not be burned?
Or can one walk on hot coals
    and his feet not be scorched?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
    none who touches her will go unpunished.

These words call to mind the circus, when entertainers perform death-defying stunts like eating fire or walking on coals. We are amazed because we know that these things are dangerous. If we tried them, we would get burned. It is only the experts who have learned the tricks of the trade who can escape unsinged. We, who take coals to our chest, will be burned. We, who walk on coals, will have scorched feet. Or, to use the words of verse 29, we will go unpunished.

This is Solomon’s argument to his son: stay away from the adulteress, because she will destroy your life.

Randy Alcorn, a former pastor in Washington and president of Eternal Perspective Ministries, wrote a book entitled The Purity Principle: God’s Safeguards for Life’s Dangerous Trails.^[1] Toward the end of the book, he tells of the time he and a fellow pastor at their church each drew up a list of the consequences that would result from their own immorality. He writes, "The lists were devastating, and to us they spoke more powerfully than any sermon or article on the subject." He continues, “Periodically, especially when traveling, I’d reread this list, until I memorized it. It cut like a knife through fogs of rationalization. It filled me with healthy fear.”

Here are a few of the items on Alcorn's list:

“What would my adultery do?”
- Drag in the mud the reputation of my Lord.
- Make me have to look into His face one day and tell Him why I did it.
- Cause untold hurt to Nanci, my loyal wife and best friend.
- Forfeit Nanci’s respect and trust.
- Permanently injure my credibility with my beloved daughters, Karina and Angie.
- Bring great shame to my family.
- Inflict hurt on my church and friends, especially those I’ve led to Christ and discipled.
- Bring an irretrievable loss of years of witnessing to relatives and friends.
- Bring pleasure to Satan, God’s enemy.
- Possibly give me a sexually transmitted disease, posing a risk to Nanci.
- Lose my self-respect, discredit my name, and invoke lifelong embarrassment upon myself.

Though this is only half of the items from his original list, I trust they are enough to make the point of the devastation that is caused by adultery. Alcorn continues, "If we would rehearse in advance the ugly and overwhelming consequences of immorality, we would be far more prone to avoid it"^[2] Our sin always wraps us up in the here and now rather than in the beyond.

That’s what Solomon is telling his son: “Think of the consequences.” The consequences are devastating. My hope this morning for all of us is to grasp the consequences of what being unfaithful in your marriage will be.

Alcorn also writes of meeting a man who had been a leader in a Christian organization until he committed immorality.

I vividly remember meeting with a man who had been a leader in a Christian organization until he committed immorality. I asked him, "What could have been done to prevent this?" He paused only for a moment, then said with haunting pain and precision, "If only I had really known, really thought through and weighed what it would cost me and my family and my Lord, I honestly believe I would never have done it.”^[2]

I sympathize with those of you who have made such choices and who are experiencing the consequences. For you, you need the grace of God. That is coming, but let us finish the chapter first. Beginning in verse 30, Solomon presses the point home by comparing adultery with theft.

Proverbs 6:30-31
People do not despise a thief if he steals
    to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry,
but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold;
    he will give all the goods of his house.

If you steal and are caught, you will pay the consequences. In verse 31, Solomon indicates the consequences are “sevenfold.” The strict law required only fourfold or fivefold. "If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep" (Exodus 22:1). Yet when you take everything into account, the time, the shame, sevenfold is certainly accurate. But when it comes to adultery, the consequences are even more severe.

Proverbs 6:34-35
For jealousy makes a man furious,
    and he will not spare when he takes revenge.
He will accept no compensation;
    he will refuse though you multiply gifts.

When you defile the wife of another, there is no price that can be paid to right your wrong. The pain will endure for a lifetime. In the case of my professor, the pain inflicted 17 years ago upon those girls by their spiritual leader is still real in their hearts today. Nothing can really make it right apart from the grace of God in their lives. That is why Solomon says in verse 32: “He who commits adultery lacks sense.” When people are being unfaithful in their marriages, they are not thinking right.

I remember the elder of a church who was trying to deal with a pastor who had fallen into adultery. This pastor was a phenomenal teacher and preacher who had preached against divorce and adultery and immorality. Until it happened with a church secretary. It started with a hug. Then went to a kiss, and on to other things. This elder friend of mine, as he was counseling the pastor, told me: “He went insane. He just went crazy. Everything that he had professed in his sanity, he threw out the window.” He didn’t realize the self-destruction he was bringing.

Proverbs 6:32-33
He who commits adultery lacks sense;
    he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor,
    and his disgrace will not be wiped away.

You try to wipe away sexual sin and it just does not come out. It is like the permanent stain that cannot quite be cleaned. It is like the blood on Macbeth’s hand after he had killed Duncan. He cried out: “Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red.”^[3]

But I come this morning with another message. Your sin can be forgiven, in Jesus. As Isaiah said.

Isaiah 1:18
Though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool.

This morning we have faced the scarlet stains of sin and their awful consequences. But they can be cleaned up. In fact, the cleanness shines brighter when the filth was darker. It is when you understand the devastation that sin brings that the grace of God shines most bright. It comes rich and free to all who believe. Forgiveness of sins is available through Jesus Christ, and it comes through confession.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I had a chance to speak with someone this week who had reached what felt like the very bottom. I said, it is a good place to be, because when you reach the bottom there is no place to go except to plead to God for his mercy and grace. My message to that man was not “try harder, do better.” My message was: confess your sins, and they can be cleansed. When John says “all unrighteousness,” he means all unrighteousness. Jesus forgave the thief on the cross (Luke 23:43). Jesus forgave Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector (Luke 19:1-9). Jesus forgave Peter, who denied him three times before the cock crowed (John 21:15-19). Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). Jesus forgives sexual sin.

1 Corinthians 6:11
Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

There is hope for those who have fallen to adultery. It is found in Jesus.

Colossians 2:13-14
You, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

When Jesus died for our sins, he died for all of our sins, including adultery. But that does not mean one should presume upon God’s grace.

Romans 6:1-2
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

When God’s grace comes to us by faith, it comes to transform us: wiping away our former sin and giving us grace to walk in his ways in the future. But there are consequences to sin. After David’s sin with Bathsheba, his kingship was never the same. For those in ministry, it may well mean that one’s ministry is never restored.

I want to read for you an open letter of confession written by another pastor who fell to immorality. He is one of the greatest preachers I have ever heard, but is relatively unknown. I share it because it is one of the clearest letters of repentance I have ever read, presenting both the devastating results of adultery and the forgiveness that comes through Jesus Christ. Unlike many confessions, he did not write this as a means to get back into ministry. He wrote it knowing full well that his days of preaching were over.

July 27, 2018

To my wife and family members, the elders and congregation of Trinity Church, the faculty of Western Seminary, and friends and colleagues both near and abroad . . .

Someone very wise once said: “Pastors must be the chief repenters in a congregation of repenters.” It is important that this proves to be the case now—not because I haven’t yet repented, but because my sin is of such a nature that I need to express my repentance to you.

Several years ago, prior to the inception of Trinity Church, I strayed from my wedding vows, breaking the covenantal bond I made to my dear wife thirty-six years ago. More recently, I again violated my marriage commitment. In both instances I engaged in adulterous relationships that were nothing less than acts of defiance to the will of my God and Father, as well as expressions of profound ingratitude for the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ that I prize so dearly.

I confess this sin and take full responsibility for it. There are no justifications, excuses, or rationalizations for my behavior. I, in acts of idolatry, chose sin over God. I am profoundly ashamed at the enormity of my rebellion, as well as the hypocrisy of exercising ministry while cloaking my sin in the shadows.

I am broken by the magnitude of my offenses to God, the devastation I have inflicted upon my wife, the grief brought to bear upon my children, and the disappointment I have produced among the people with whom I have been privileged to share ministry. Though it is entirely undeserved, I humbly ask you to forgive me for my betrayal of your trust and friendship. With each passing day the fresh awareness of this betrayal breaks my heart in greater and deeper ways, leaving me with nothing but a hope in the accomplishments of the cross to which I desperately cling.

Despite the profound grief and shame, I am deeply thankful to my heavenly Father for graciously exposing this sin and forcing me to turn from it. The promise that He chastises those He loves so that His children might share in His holiness gives me hope and comfort. My present and painful circumstances have become, to both my wife and me, the gracious verifications of God’s Fatherhood and my spiritual paternity.

Because of my sin I have disqualified myself from the office of elder. Furthermore, I have no desire to pursue ministry of any kind. My focus is entirely directed at making right the very thing I have ignored for too long: the well-being of our marriage. This long-term process has already commenced in meetings with experienced counselors and, under their supervision, will be extended to include a team of qualified people who will also contribute to the reestablishment and strengthening of our relationship.

This reprioritized commitment will require us to relocate—in large part, as a response to my wife’s desires and needs, and also to make ourselves available to care fully for my wife’s elderly parents. Consequently, she and I now resign our membership at Trinity Church, freeing the elders to give their entire attention to carefully shepherding the congregation through this season of challenge. Likewise, we are choosing to relinquish the remaining balance of the severance package so kindly extended to us by the elders so as to free Trinity Church from the burden of caring for our financial responsibilities.

I am certain that my sin has brought about waves of divergent emotions in many of you: hurt, confusion, sorrow, anger. All of these are appropriate responses to my failures that your Heavenly Father understands. Moment by moment I feel the heavy weight of inflicting them upon you. If, however, I may appeal to your mercy in Jesus Christ, dear friends, allow me to ask four things of you:

1) Please direct your anger and frustration at me, while extending love and support to my children (who have responded to my repentance and confession with kindness and compassion), and especially to my wife, who has revealed the depth of the gospel’s influence in her life by extending undeserved grace and forgiveness to me. [She] continues to display the likeness of her Heavenly Father in real and palpable expressions that overwhelm me with tearful humility and contrition. Though I have failed her egregiously, I love her deeply and desperately. With God’s help, our family will survive this season and eventually thrive for God’s glory;

2) Please pray for the elders of Trinity Church. I have wounded these brothers deeply, and now a great and unexpected responsibility rests upon their shoulders. Owing to the gospel and the restorative power of the Holy Spirit, however, they can lead Trinity Church into a stronger and more vibrant congregational life that will bear a unique and powerful testimony to the gospel and what it can accomplish;

3) Please pray for the congregation of Trinity Church. This is an extraordinary gathering of diverse people who are consumed with the priorities of worshipping the Triune God and declaring the good news of salvation in Jesus Christ. My wife and I have been the consistent recipients of her great love, support, and generosity. Beyond all compare, these eight years at Trinity Church have been our most joyous days in thirty-six years of ministry;

4) Never doubt the gospel and our great Savior, Jesus Christ. I have failed you profoundly, my dear friends, and I do plead for your forgiveness. I love you—albeit with a love that has been marred by great failure. But the gospel of Jesus Christ will never fail you. The fact is, its greatest glory proves most obvious in the context of sin and failure—in this case, my own great sin and failure.

We, in our brokenness and humiliation, now need your prayers.

God bless you,

Now, I am not naïve enough to think there are none of you here this morning who have committed adultery. Perhaps, even this morning, there are some who are engaged in it. Know that your sin will find you out.

To close this morning, I want us to look at the story of the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8. Picture yourself as this woman if you carry a past of sexual sin that continues to haunt you. The scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in the very act of adultery and placed her in the midst of the crowd before Jesus. They cited the law of Moses: such a woman should be stoned. What did Jesus do? He bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. It was a humble response. When they kept pressing him, he stood up and said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Then he bent back down. When they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones. The older ones had been through enough to know they were not faultless.

Church family, “Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12). There are many who point fingers at the sins of others, directing attention abroad rather than at themselves. Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. He stood up and said, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (John 8:11).

That is the message of forgiveness that Jesus brings. Grace is not license to return to sin; it is a call to go and walk a new life. Jesus is the light of the world. Whoever follows him will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. He is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through him (John 14:6).

This sermon was delivered to Rock Valley Bible Church on November 10, 2019 by Steve Brandon.
For more information see www.rockvalleybiblechurch.org.

[1] Randy Alcorn, The Purity Principle: God’s Safeguards for Life’s Dangerous Trails (Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 2003), pp. 88-89.

[2] Randy Alcorn, “Counting the Cost of Sexual Immorality,” Eternal Perspective Ministries, https://www.epm.org/blog/2009/Jun/26/counting-the-cost-of-sexual-immorality.

[3] William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act II, Scene 2 (c. 1606).